This is your chance to make history.
After the ticketing process blew up, historians estimate that between 400,000 and 500,000 young Boomers ended up at Woodstock. If you ask around, though, the number of people who claim to have been there is approximately 32 million. Probably 500,000 of those false…
Psst. Ted. You’re blowing it.
You’re shanking the ball. You’re fumbling the pass. You’re faking the Ice Bucket Challenge.* You have the opportunity of your lifetime, and you’re spending precious moments sucking up to a ‘roid-crazed Trump while he flails away every remaining shred of goodwill for the GOP.
1. Your husband, the actual election winner, is swallowed by a whale and/or carried off by condors. You take over his term and then run for re-election only when begged to by political party. Note: You must be a one-issue candidate, and that issue must be anti–abduction by wildlife.
By Ramsey S. Elsayed, MD with Ali Davis
Authoritarian regimes don’t always seem too bad at first. But that doesn’t last.
Hosni Mubarak took over Egypt in 1981 after the assassination of Anwar Sadat. Egypt had issues like any country does, but for the first ten years or so of…
Time to shine, fellow quarantiners!
Thanks so much for all the amazing feedback on last week’s workout! I’m gratistoked that it put so many of you into Smash Mode. Remember! The first step to smashing your goals is getting into Smash Mode.
I did notice some less smashy comments, though…
In a time of inconsistent messaging about COVID-19, there is one constant: The children of Baby Boomers throwing up their hands because Mom and Dad promised to be very careful and went straight to Zumba class before heading to the buffet and then a community soul-kissing workshop.
In the spirit…
Presented in ascending level of sown chaos:
15. Oregon plates
14. Minivan with stick figure family
13. Teenager in Mercedes
12. Arizona plates
11. My Car Did Not Come with Turn Signals
10. Male, 20s-40s, black BMW coupe
9. White van with no side windows (warning: possible active serial killer)
8. The I-think-I’m-invisibly-messing-with-my-phone head bob
7. The I-think-I’m-invisibly-messing-with-my-phone…