Greetings, esteemed members of the Greater Millbrook Pleasuralia Society.
First the good news: As many of you, most notably Derek, have repeatedly requested, this will be our first no-condom, no-barrier event. The bad news is, per coronavirus guidelines, we will only be allowing ten members into the Funsion at a time, and everyone must maintain a minimum six-foot distance.
Please do not infer that this means a lack of effort on the part of the Set-up Committee. All your favorites will still be there, including the Undersea Fantasy Room, The Slippy Corridor, the Room with the Modular Couch, and Peggy’s Chex Mix Muddy Buddies. It’s just that you’ll be entering some rooms with only one other person, and some, due to distancing constraints, with no one else at all. Also, in addition to the usual party supplies, we’ll be passing out free hand sanitizer, so do exercise caution about what you’re applying and where.
For those of you waiting in line to enter the Funsion, remember to keep a six-foot distance and bear in mind that because of the necessity for an outdoor line, this year’s event will be a little more openly in the residential area that surrounds the Funsion, so please keep more your nose and mouth and anything else that may be relevant covered, if you see where I’m going with this. Derek, Anne and Claude have asked me to make sure that you in particular read that last sentence.
We have been doing some serious thinking about jumping onto the bandwagon and offering a Zoom option for this year’s event. While we of course have no issue with consenting adults watching other consenting adults do whatever they please or with consenting adults helping other consenting adults achieve personal pleasure, we’re having a little trouble figuring out a meaningful way of distinguishing that from the entire rest of the Internet. We’ll update you as soon as possible. Please remember to mute yourself if you’re not vocalizing.
Though it pains us all, Boris and Meadow will not be at this year’s event. The Set-up, Governing, and Finance Committees would like to voice our approval of those members who have decided to keep paying them full caretaker fees and gratuities even though they will be unable to perform their usual duties for the next few weeks. This is a difficult time for service workers, and we appreciate everyone who has elected to help Boris and Meadow through it. For those of you who are on the fence, we will remind you of Boris’s strict policy that “just the tip” cuts both ways.
We have high hopes that if we all take care with social distancing now, our popular annual summer fundraising event will be able to take place as planned. By a wide majority, we have earmarked the funds for those who have fallen on hard times during this crisis. Also by a wide majority, we have rejected Derek’s proposed name of “The Income-Gone Bangathon,” so please keep those suggestions coming. Also please remember to be vague when having loved ones fill out those pledge forms.
Finally, I’d like to congratulate everyone on our collection drive for personal protective equipment for the health care professionals in our area. We put the call out for masks, gloves, eyewear, face shields, and full-body coverings, and boy, did you deliver. The entire staff at Sisters of Mercy complimented both your generosity and your creativity in coming up with usable items. We have been assured that it will all go to good purpose, and that, given the circumstances, Human Resources will take a more liberal stance on professional attire than is customary.
I will also note as proof that generosity is its own reward that several of the physicians have now applied for membership.
With high hopes for another great event,
Your Set-up, Governing, and Edible Confetti Committees
